found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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