we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I currently don't understand fingers.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
