You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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