Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
