My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
