New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
