Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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