So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sobbing to NWA
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
