We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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