Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This baby is an asshole
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
