Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
