Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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