He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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