What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
