My sheets look like a crime scene.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
