i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
