Can i not drive my cunt home
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
