Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
