apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
