i need an iv and a liver transplant
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
