she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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