my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
