he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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