Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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