Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
