I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
