Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
