How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you win again, gameday.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
