Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize