Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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