I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize