The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
