I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
MIDGETS
????
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
