i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
