Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
