I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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