..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
