: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
