i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
