I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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