I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
