we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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