Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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