You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
