Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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