another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
