and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
