The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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