1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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