guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
