Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
