I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
