Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
