Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
