It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
