ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
