God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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