you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
