God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
