I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
