Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
