At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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