Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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