I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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