He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think i got beer on your cat.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
