i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
